I hope you will answer my question, I need your precious advice too. Thanks you so much for your help. Attraction is the big X Factor in any relationship. Which would seem to indicate that you should break up with your boyfriend. I urge you to consider this before taking any rash steps. By 47, your bodies have thickened and drooped. The truth is that life lasts for a REALLY, REALLY long time. And yet we base our relationship decisions on evanescent emotions like lust, passion, and chemistry. It is no secret that compatibility is a stronger predictor of relationship health than chemistry. Yet chemistry is what we chase — somehow hoping that it turns into compatibility as well. Where are they now? Which is how men end up with hot crazy women and women end up with hot emotionally unavailable men. Ah, if it were only that simple… Reasons to Break Up Because of a Lack of Physical Attraction As you know, sexual attraction rarely grows over time. With men, this almost never happens. With women, it tends to be correlated to her feelings about her partner. However, this is presuming a steady baseline of attraction from which to grow. No rational thinking is going to overcome your genetic and cultural biases. We dissect others physically, although none of us wants to be dissected physically as well. The problem is that when we compare people side by side, great catches often lose out. Why go out with the heavyset person when you can write to a lean model-type? Why go out with the 45-year-old when you can try the 29-year-old? Anything less is a recipe for wandering eyes and future infidelity. Which brings us to the moment of truth. It all comes down to your own internal compromise mechanism. Only you can decide. First, ask yourself if he — or another man — could dissect YOU physically as well. We often underestimate how rare it is to find someone who loves us unconditionally Second, ask yourself if your boyfriend — despite your middling attraction for him — can make up for it in bed. Finally, ask yourself if you can do appreciably better. We often underestimate how rare it is to have a partner who loves us unconditionally. Very often, the second you assume the grass is greener is the second you may find yourself in an exciting new romance…with a guy who only texts you once a week. Attraction is an intensely personal choice and is fundamental to maintaining a healthy sex life. Warmest wishes, Much love, Evan 1 mic There does need to be some aesthetic fondness. Familiarity can help, like just staring at his picture, but it seems that would have helped by now. Is his appearance repulsive? For example, are hair and teeth included? A better hairstyle might help. Some minor dental work might help. Does he look totally different from you? People who look somewhat alike tend to be more suited to each other. That is a very difficult thing to tell to someone. Few people do it and it is often a thankless task. You are going to have to on your own judgment. Besides, friends are not forever you know, eventually you will lose some people down the way, and you should be honest with them, since they should like you for who you are. Just tell him the truth and it will be better for both of you. I am 15 as well and my boyfriend is not particularly attractive to me. It took me a long time to feel like I had a say in who I dated when I was a teenager. I have a boyfriend who is my best friend.. I love him more than anyone in the world and I can picture us spending our lives together, but I am in no way attracted to him. Hes not fat, hes just super out of shape. I have had a lot of people abuse me, rape me, bully me, all kinds of stuff.. And he rescues me from that… I love him.. Sorry this is so long!! Thank you for sharing your experience. Evan, thank you for taking the time to answer the question. I wish I could personally thank you both. We want to try and make it work. The thing is though she is a big girl but she has a very gorgeous face. I broke up with her solely on her weight, body hair issues, and my wandering eyes. And yes i feel bad about being shallow. Her weight wasnt the biggest deal but she has very fat legs and would wear inappropriately short shorts and she refused to shave her very hairy butt and other areas. It doesnt sound like much but maintenance is a biggy. Im not perfect myself but i put in an effort to be attractive. The strange thing is that even though she is the biggest girl i ever dated i never had better more fulfilling sex and powerful orgasms. I broke up with her because I wanted someone hot and skinny. I dated a few women
