But take it from me—it can open your eyes and your heart in ways you could have never imagined and will be unlike any other relationship you ever will have. I am 23 years old, a recent college grad, and have been in a relationship with a man from my small hometown for only about five months. My boyfriend has a three-year-old little girl from an ex-girlfriend of five years. I met him only about four months after his relationship ended and I jumped headfirst into a whole new scene I had never been a part of before. I have learned so much already, but I am well aware that I still have a lot to learn down the road. I had noticed that there seems to be an increase in relationships involving people who have children from previous relationships and I would have loved to have a little advice beforehand myself. The following are a few little hints if you really want to make a relationship work with a mommy or a daddy: 1. Realize that their child will always come first. You will need to be able to be flexible and agreeable to this because otherwise it will create a rift. Dinner, drinks, movies, trips, etc. Be understanding and patient. Realize that the ex will forever be in their life. There will be pictures you will see, there will be shared friends between them, there will be a lingering reminder every day that you look at the baby the two of them made together-that person will never be a thing of the past. While other relationships exist where the ex will never been seen or spoken of again, 90% of the time in a co-parenting situation, you will be interacting with them often. Get used to it and keep your jealousy intact. Accept it and be confident in YOUR relationship. So maintain a great relationship with the ex. This seems to be something I have observed with other relationships similar to mine. Your attitude will determine everything. It is 100% the difference in having this situation be dramatic and hostile, or having it be a friendship. Watch what you say to other people, do not judge or critique their parenting skills, be as polite and kindhearted as possible. It makes it easier on the child, easier on the ex, and will generally create a peaceful life you want to be living. Consider yourself all a part of one big team working to make that little baby have the best life possible—you all pull your weight and check your resentment at the door. You will know how he would act to YOUR children should you choose to have kids with him. My heart warms up when I see him tickle and play with her, when I see this big burly tough guy braiding hair or building her a Barbie 4 wheeler. Most relationships that I had been in before, it was madness to talk about buying houses, getting married, planning for a financial future together, such serious things so soon. But this man of mine had already figured out how he wanted his life to go. He lost the self-centered way of thinking that my prior loves had possessed; he was living for his little girl and now living for me. Having his daughter changed him; it made him stable, it made him more responsible, and it made him aware of the future a lot more than he did before having her. You fall in love with not one person, but two. The very first time I met his daughter, I was brimming with anxiety. I wanted it to be the opposite, I wanted to know him and I were going to work out BEFORE meeting her. That was not his way of thinking however, he wanted to see how she was with me and have her grinning vote of approval before investing any more. And let me tell you, one look at that smile and I was gone. I fell head over heels for a little blonde-haired angel. She was the exact replica of the man who was stealing my heart and I was no longer immune to them both. That kind of package deal is horribly intimidating because what if you wind up liking one and not the other?! What if the child hates your guts? That fear gets washed away every time she runs over to me or squeezes my hand when she is sleeping. That is a whole lot of love to get tossed your way in a short amount of time and sometimes you want to explode. But it is the closest feeling I have ever felt to magic and I will never forget it. The fear of potentially not being with him and losing her in the process is always in the back of my mind, but the idea that maybe I could have them both in my life forever completely trumps it.
