It was getting serious with one of my Tinder matches. After a witty opener he, having studied at Oxford, asked if I was British because I somehow looked it and exchanging our jobs and educational background, we were discussing our favorite Delaware beach destination. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, and I said sure. You're so nice, and I don't want to lead you on in any way. So if that's an issue, we should probably just call it now. And he wasn't the only one who ghosted me after the big reveal. During the month that I used social dating apps to find new buddies, I sent countless unrequited salutations, offered up priceless New York City travel recommendations, and even gave my number to a guy who wanted to discuss first amendment rights. But I made zero friends. When I started, I believed that, with millions of people just searching for company online, I'd easily find my new bestie or at least someone down for a platonic hang. A friend finder app, after all, didn't seem too far away with and other spin-off matching services debuting. And it's not officially. On a personal level, I wanted more friends. I moved to New York less than two years ago and have been trying to expand my circle as I build roots in the city. As a very extroverted person, I believe the more people around, the merrier and richer life is. I began my experiment in mid-August, downloading Tinder, Hinge, and Coffee Meets Bagel. I was familiar with the apps beforehand: I used them for a month in summer 2013 when they were new and the It Thing among my friends, the source of all our war stories. The ample matches I'd make would either a never talk to me or b always and incessantly talk to me and get upset if I didn't reply as rapidly or enthusiastically. That said, I was confident friendship was going to be different on the apps. People would be chiller because the relationship stakes were lower. I'm just looking for friends! Still, I didn't want to play mind games with my future besties. But Laurie Davis, author of and an online dating consultant, later told me that strategy was all wrong: Being direct was the kiss of death. And even then, I shouldn't say it bluntly. But I wanted to see if it was possible. I jumped in swiping myself and found, to my surprise, a lot of guys were cool with my rule. It wasn't, however, easy to find a great friend match. With photo-heavy, information light profiles, the apps had me frustrated within five minutes. Tinder was the worst of them: All I saw were a couple of group shots but which guy are you, Steve? With no other criteria, I swiped right on guys who I found attractive and could write a literate sentence in their About Me, the same method I used when trying to date. Going in, I thought the experiment was limited: Because these were dating apps, I couldn't access the pool of straight girls, those least likely to see me as a romantic target. Turns out the apps didn't create that restriction though: we did. A woman's profile would show up on my Tinder, and I'd just stare at it. I couldn't swipe right, partly because of an information shortage, partly because of the guilt I felt misleading the woman in the picture. I also doubted, after a while, people really read what I wrote. So where would you spend a Sunday afternoon in New York? I had been so excited he talked with me. I always wanted an English friend, in part due to the accent and cultural intrigue. As forward as his message was Did he want to hang out with me already?! No one else was that refreshingly direct , I responded with Central Park and waited. I had been busy that day, but our friend picnics by the park's Lake could happen next weekend. I spent the entire afternoon there! I'm just traveling here for a couple days. It turns out, according to Pambakian, Tinder is commonly used as a travel guide. So I deleted the apps a week later—but not before having the closest thing to success on them. A 25-year-old First Amendment lawyer matched with me on Tinder. We started talking about journalism and media rights, and I figured this could be the one I meet with. We exchanged numbers, agreed to talk over coffee. Still, he was the one match I didn't remind I was just looking for friends with. What killed it was our lack of enthusiasm for each other, and ultimately, that's why a friend finder app probably won't have legs post-college: People just aren't as invested in friendship as they are with dating. Hinge's founder and CEO, Justin McLeod, agrees. People tend to make and keep multiple friends, so there just isn't the same urgency. I'd leave conversations hanging for days simply because I'd forget to reply with work and other things popping up. The guys I was talking to weren't my future boyfriends; I didn't feel obligated to immediately respond just to prove I was interested. But the real reason I failed was that I was utterly clueless about who would be the right match for me. And I had good reason to be. My best friends, after all, I probably would've rejected on an app because they're so different from me. Our relationships were sparked by in-person chemistry, sustained by getting to know each other over time. And because of that, I think I'll just stick to meeting friends—and potential dates—in person. Related: Related: Photo: Everett Collection.
