We made plans regarding a place to live and work. I was supposed to take care of the engagement rings. We had not even known each other a month and had not yet met in person. But, thus far, none of your efforts to find someone like that have worked out. Attempts by well-meaning friends and family to set you up with someone have done nothing but embarrass you and have left you more discouraged than ever. So you are wondering if maybe you should turn to technology for help. In this age of the computer, finding a compatible mate may seem to be just a few clicks away. All you have to do, some say, is log on to a Web site, chat room, or bulletin board that has been specially designed for singles. The New York Times reports that in one month in the United States alone, 45 million people visited on-line dating Web sites. One Internet matchmaker claims to have more than nine million people using its service in 240 countries. The Appeal of On-Line Dating Are you shy, and do you find it difficult to meet people? Do you fear rejection? Or do you simply feel there is a lack of potential marriage mates in the area where you live? Then computer dating may appeal to you. Armed with the power of choice, it may seem that dating on-line is more efficient and less stressful than face-to-face encounters. What is the reality? Does dating in cyberspace really lead to lasting happiness? Well, consider this: During a six-year period, one matchmaking service had 11 million subscribers. Yet, only 1,475 marriages took place among them. Another dating service with over a million members listed only 75 confirmed marriages! What is wrong with this trend? A True Picture of Each Other? She joined three of the most popular dating Web sites and shortly received a number of responses. These led to dates with several men. The men had blatantly lied about themselves. How confident can you be about other things the person might say about more serious issues, such as personal goals? Dating in cyberspace, though, often involves unrealistic fantasies. Your imagination fills in the blanks with exactly what you want. They may feel that on-line dating allows couples to focus on what a prospective partner is like on the inside without being distracted by personal appearance. Yet, the problem is that in a computer relationship, you cannot observe gestures, smiles, or countenance. You cannot see how he or she treats others or behaves under pressure. And such things are critical in determining if he or she is someone you can come to trust and love. Notice that love is defined by behavior, not words. You must therefore take the time to observe a person to see if his or her actions and words match. Lacking such vital information, couples often start sharing intimate feelings and thoughts early in the courtship. Throwing caution to the wind, some couples hastily make serious romantic commitments, even though they hardly know each other. Three weeks later they met in person. A young woman named Edda recalls her own experience with on-line dating. We were planning on getting married. It was just not going to work. In the fantasy world of computer dating, emotions can become intense prematurely. Yes, it is unwise to make serious decisions based upon fantasy and emotion. Sadly, many of those engaging in Internet dating have found that to be true. After corresponding with someone for just one month, Monika, quoted at the outset, hoped that she had found the answer to her desire for a partner. A future article will consider additional problems.
