Keeping my options open. No matter how you choose to word it, being single was never in my plans. Growing up in the church, I thought I had a solid understanding of how my story would play out. And then when I turned 23, I was really ready. At 27, I understood and accepted that God was using the last few years to prepare me for marriage. I never would have considered dating a non-Christian. Not in a million years. But then the frustration set in. It started as impatience, but it soon developed into a rampaging beast of unbelief, doubt, and worst of all, hopelessness. It felt like everyone I knew was married, including the kids I used to babysit. There seemed to be 10 girls for every single available guy in church. Then there was the pressure of every person I knew asking about my relationship status every time I saw them. Or mentioning their far-off distant relative who they thought might still be single which they never were , and who they could maybe one day set me up with which they never did. It became hard to find peace between the God that I loved and this aching, unmet desire to find a companion. So when the opportunity arose, I figured I would just take things into my own hands. The moment I made the decision to waver on something I always said I would never compromise on, the offers flooded in. Suddenly I got asked out in a grocery store line-up, and then at a dollar store. Then, a really nice guy I met in a coffee shop asked me out. While the first two dates were just awkward encounters that made me feel uncomfortable and probably caused my face to glow red for hours afterwards, the third guy peaked my interest. And he was pretty direct about his intentions. He had a great career and he truly could give me everything I ever wanted in this life. I was tossed into a sea of internal conflict. The idea of not seeing him again saddened me. I liked the way I felt being around him. But the reality is, more often than not, they are really great. So, I made the decision to spend time with this guy and got to know him. We hung out, we texted. We liked a lot of the same things, had good conversations, and he made me laugh. No amount of flirting made Jesus more desirable to him. Sure, he could have provided me with every luxury in this world — except the one thing that held the most value to me. Ultimately, the status of his heart was a deal breaker, and I had to walk away. But I do get it. Consider the fact that God took six days to create the intricacies of the world around us. Yet the Bible records thousands of years of narrative to cover the ups and downs of relationships. This tells us two things: one, that relationships are hard; and two, that God knows it. If your heart is truly, genuinely, passionately in pursuit of Christ on a daily basis, then a non-believer — no matter how kind and caring and wonderful they are — can never truly know you. If your identity is in Christ alone, then your life will automatically come into conflict with your non-believing girlfriend or boyfriend. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Especially when you watch every one of your friends get married or start a family. The truth is, God has more for you. Worshipping the idea of marriage in place of our Creator places an expectation on that relationship to fulfill the deepest need in our hearts — which can only be filled by one person: Jesus. Our humanity all too often gets in the way of our relationship with Christ and His purpose and plan for our life. Our desires over His, our will over His: it's not a frivolous idea, but rather one that we are completely unable to fight through on our own. Which is where the Holy Spirit comes in. But in His love, He also knows better than us. We want you to know that you don't have to journey alone. If you need prayer or a listening ear about the struggles in your dating life, we have confidential and free mentors ready to help! Just connect below and you'll hear back from a mentor soon. Connect with a mentor now!
