1. Being the perfect spouse
Trying to be perfect for your partner is a trap because sooner or later, both you and your partner will get tired of it.When you show your good side all the time, resentment can build up inside of you, leading to unpredictable circumstances.Keep in mind that self-sufficient people aren’t afraid to express their negative emotions.
2. Not communicating about EVERYTHING.
Communicate about problems.Communicate about good things.Communicate about the future.Communicate about the past.Communicate about communicating.
No one is a mind reader.Don't assume you know what the other person is thinking/feeling and don't expect them to know what you're thinking/feeling (even if you think "it's totally obvious").You're trapped in your perspective all the time and they're trapped in theirs.You need to share in order for both of you to get the full picture.
3. Identifying your “good conflicts”
Every couple has what I call a ‘good conflict.’ In long-term relationships, we often feel that the thing you most need from your partner is the very thing he or she is least capable of giving you.
This isn’t the end of love — it’s the beginning of deeper love! Don’t run from that conflict.It’s supposed to be there. In fact, it’s your key to happiness as a couple — if you both can name it and commit to working on it together as a couple.If you approach your ‘good conflicts’ with bitterness, blame, and contempt, your relationship will turn toxic.
4.Not letting yourselves miss each other.
You're in love, so you want to be together all the time!It's so fun to cuddle all night and be together all day, but when will you have time to experience different things?
When you go to separate work places or schools, you're experiencing things that will give you something to talk about later.When you go out with your friends and your partner spends time with theirs, then you're having time and space to yourself, then coming back to each other refreshed.
You have a chance to miss each other, and it helps you really understand the value of your relationship.Missing someone is great because getting to see them after that period will make you so happy and so sure of your relationship.
5. Not communicating love in a way your partner will understand
Have you ever felt that you weren’t being “loved enough,” even while in a good relationship?
The reason may as simple as the fact that love is perceived differently by different people.
That’s what the book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman tells us. According to the author, the 5 ways of feeling loved are:
*Words of affirmation: This can be affirming and verbalizing other’s behavior, such as saying, “You look really handsome today.”
*Quality time: Engage in activities together, like going on a trip or watching a movie.
*Physical touch: Show physical expressions of love, such as holding hands, hugging, or being intimate.
*Acts of service: Do something useful for your partner. This could be cooking dinner, handling a problem, or providing support so your partner can relax.
*Receiving gifts: Get items that remind you of your love. It could be flowers, sweets, or electronic devices.
Chapman also explains that each one of us has a primary language of love.
Not knowing what your partner’s love language is can be a communication barrier that will cause conflict, almost as if you aren’t on the same page.Understanding or asking what it is your partner needs to feel loved can have a significant impact on your relationship.
6. Not listening to your gut.
The little nagging gut feelings I had, the ones I tried to convince myself meant nothing because it would mean ending the relationship, were always right.
7. Wasting your effort on someone who doesn't value you.
Don't waste your time and effort on someone who won't put in the time and effort for you.They might be the best person in the world, but they're not for you if they don't love you in the way that you want and need.Compatibility doesn’t mean much if there's no attraction, just as attraction means shite if you're not actually compatible.
Love is an action.Pay attention to what they actually do, not what they say or promise they will do.Someone can tell you they love you but if they don't treat you with love, they don't love you.
8. Stonewalling
Perpetual conflict is a form of conflict that doesn’t have a clear cut answer.It happens around fundamental differences in your personalities that repeatedly create conflict or fundamental differences in your lifestyle needs.
This type of conflict is the hardest to resolve and unfortunately, it represents 69% of all conflict.Stonewalling is a common response to this type of conflict. It’s defined as self protection in the form of delaying or blocking your partner by refusing to answer questions or by giving evasive replies.It’s plain and simply a refusal to consider your partner’s perspective.
Stonewalling is a blatant disregard for the issue.Usually, the stonewalling partner becomes so overwhelmed that they feel a heightened psychological response and it’s too overwhelming to engage in the conflict so instead they disregard it and leave, either mentally or physically, the situation altogether.
