My Husband Wanted Me to be Like Someone Else
My Husband Wanted Me to Be Like Someone Else
“My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20 (NLT)
I have always struggled with insecurities, and being married didn’t change that.
Those feelings of insecurity hit every part of my life and thoughts:
If my kids had a fun mom, they would be happier.
I’m failing my kids as a homeschool teacher.
If I were more organized, my house wouldn’t be such a mess all the time.
My husband would be happier with someone else.
Something must be wrong with me if they don’t want me to help in this ministry.
The thoughts of never being good enough consumed my mind.
A few years ago, I felt distant from my husband. The thoughts of him being happier with someone else raced through my mind.
With my arms crossed and head bowed, I took a deep breath and courageously said, “I feel you wish I were like someone else.” My heart began to race as I braced myself for his answer. The thoughts began again, Will he tell me who it was, or would he keep it secret?
He looked up from what he was doing and said, “Yes, I do.”
My heart sank. All my insecurities became real, and my thoughts began to swirl. My husband didn’t want me. He wanted someone else.
Holding back tears, I uttered, “Who?”
As his eyes met mine, I knew his answer would impact me forever. His tone was concentrated, caring and thoughtful. He said, “I wish you were more like Jesus.”
I wasn’t expecting that answer. I had wondered about many people, but never Jesus. My husband didn’t want me to be prettier, more active or more organized. He wanted me to focus more on God.
All the things I worried about were furthest from his thoughts.
That day, I decided to be more of who my husband wanted in a wife … more of the person I should be. I began to study the “manual” (God’s Word through the Bible) for being a better wife, mother, person and Christian.
Paul’s writings really stood out to me. To the Galatians, he wrote today’s key verse, “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).
It is still true today. When we accepted Christ into our hearts, we died to self. Our “self” includes our sins, habits, thoughts and even our insecurities.
When I’m insecure, then I can’t fully be Christ-like.
I want to be Christ-like. Not because that’s what my husband wants, but because Jesus gives a new life. Having insecurities is almost debilitating at times. Focusing on God instead of my insecurities has freed me.
It’s not always easy to push away the thoughts that have invaded my mind for years.
God reminds me, sometimes daily, that those thoughts are negative and not from Him. Just because we accept Christ into our hearts doesn’t mean Satan stops putting the negative thoughts into our minds.
