A significant portion of my work is dedicated to dismantling and deconstructing the pervasive and dysfunctional messages our culture propagates about love, myths most people have absorbed by osmosis since the first time they were exposed to the wonderful world of Disney and Hollywood. From that place of fulfilled aliveness you may or may not choose to share your life with another person. Perhaps you had a sense early on that your partner was someone with whom you could forge a fulfilling shared life, but perhaps it took some time for that knowing to take hold. Perhaps you were friends first. Perhaps you stumbled through your first dates and only continued because there was something different and you were tired of choosing the same unavailable partners. In contrast, unhealthy doubt arises from fear or aversion, and it questions one's own basic potential or worth, or the value of another. When you commit to learning about what it means to give and receive love in an intimate way, you will, at times, experience the feelings that we normally associate with love. When you learn the that grow your feelings of love and attraction, you will experience more in-love feelings. Where partnership feels like completion it's not real love but codependence. Two whole people create a third body of the relationship. You are responsible for your own aliveness, creativity, and sexuality. It's not your partner's job to be your muse or your inspiration. If that occurs on occasion naturally that's wonderful, but it's not a requirement of a healthy relationship. If things stop making sense, it's time to look inside and explore what unrealistic expectations, fears, and false beliefs have been unleashed. My definition of being in love is: Two open hearts giving and receiving to each other. There are so many ways that our hearts shut down, fear being the most common. So if you're struggling with fear and anxiety it's not likely you're going to feel sexual or in love with your partner. Is that the time to leave? It's the time to so that you can soften the fear walls and slowly open your heart back to love. After the initial honeymoon stage fades and having a honeymoon stage is not a prerequisite for a healthy relationship , feeling in love is an experience that is cultivated primarily through the intersection of two actions: 1. Flooding your relationship with loving actions and 2. Feeling connected to your own aliveness, creativity, and sexuality. In other words, when you're feeling filled up and alive within your own self and you bring this aliveness to your partner who is also filled up, the two of you will meet in a place that can feel like magic. There's nothing dramatic about this real in-loveness. It's not borne out of longing or the chase. It's real, present, honest connection. It's two sparks meeting each other and creating a fire together. And if you're suffering from relationship anxiety - whether single, dating, engaged, or married - give yourself the gift of.
