I was wondering if you had a minute to help me out with a question. I’ve been reading over the Tao to see if I can find some pointers and for now the best solution I can find is “create more value” – I just want to run something by you as briefly and concisely as I can and hopefully you can set me straight or give me some advice? I’ve tried to keep the following as brief as possible.
So basically due to other commitments (I’m changing jobs at the moment, I had exams as I’m a part-time student, my girlfriend’s daughter was sick and was in hospital for a week), we hadn’t seen one another in about 2 weeks. Friday she called me up to say that the relationship is no longer working for her, she still loves me but feels it’s now more like as a friend… Now I did see her on Wednesday and took her out of the hospital for the day. Went shopping with her and had lunch together. I was really careful to rebuild our rapport, held her hand while walking, little touches on the arm, back, hugs, making her laugh and destress etc. which was working just great.
Well all of a sudden she’s gone bat-shit crazy and while declaring she still wants me in her life and she does still love me, the “spark” and “romance” is gone for her. Now I realise that I need to be spontaneous, get her curious again, create value, but that’s difficult to do when right now she refuses to talk to me. I’ve suggested that she let me take her out somewhere next weekend for her birthday, and she knows she has to return a laptop she borrowed and that I have her birthday presents. Spontaneity is difficult though as she is a full time carer for her small daughter who has a rare genetic disorder. PERHAPS she feels I'm not fulfilling the male gender role - the fact that I'm in the middle of changing jobs and maybe haven't been there for her recently might have done that…
Here’s what I’m thinking:
1) Leave her alone for the next few days. I’m busy, she knows that, I’ll deal with her when I have a minute.
2) Get in touch with her, maybe Thursday afternoon/Friday morning and organise a meet over the weekend for lunch, then take her bowling or something. That’s something I’ve never done with her. The situation with her kid means just up and booking a random weekend away isn’t practical.
3) As soon as I have the new job sorted out (which provided nothing goes belly up I will be starting on Thursday) book a weekend away for us and see if I can help organise a nanny for the kid. HOWEVER – I’m worried this will be analogous to the old “buying a girl a drink at the bar” faux pas…
What do you think? What would you suggest? I feel that “creating more value” is the way to go but with the situation as it stands and the fact that she already pretty much knows me inside and out, I’m a little at a loss as to how to go about it.
