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ON MOST DAYS during his commute from Green Lake to his Georgetown office, Alejandro Peña is looking at his phone. Using multiple dating apps and sites, including Siren, Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel, as well as OKCupid, Double and Plenty of Fish, he spends much of his 45-minute commute searching profiles, swiping right or left on Tinder, sending out and responding to messages, and making plans with women. For the millennial generation, online dating is the norm. Six years ago, 27-year-old Gabrielle Hooks says, she was ashamed to admit she met her ex on OKCupid. You met in real life? Peña averages two to three dates a week, but has gone on as many as five. A polite, well-dressed, charming conversationalist, good-looking with dark brown hair and a warm smile, he is also 5 feet 4 — a deterrent for many women. But the more time I spend using them, the more likely I am to meet that someone. All I want to do is never look at OKCupid again. I would rather wake up and look at a person than wake up and look at my phone. I asked whether he knew any good candidates. That is SO LAME. She tells us she never would have met him online. Chemistry has to do with your personality, and it has nothing to do with what you have in common. I would love a life without any of these things. If you have too many options, it takes you a while to figure out what you want. If you have two options, you make a choice real fast. At one event in Bellevue, 50 men and women met for 500 dates. One woman, Maxine, a youthful-looking 54-year-old personal trainer from Redmond, found online dating a chore and decided to give speed dating a whirl. But while speed-dating events take the research out of dating, they still are time-consuming and costly. Like online dates, speed dating mirrors a very fast job interview, perhaps the least romantic thing imaginable. Rios-Strong and Klinenberg advise going on more interesting dates, but doing so creates a Catch-22. I pack myself pretty full. I was asking where he is from Southern California , how he likes Seattle loves it, might stay , what he does for fun music, photography, cooking. Clear, a 29-year-old account manager for a research and data company, goes on one to three dates a week. In addition to being time-consuming, he notes, dating is expensive. Multiple dates a week can add up to hundreds of dollars a month — even after going Dutch. But when it ended, he was back online, using Tinder and Bumble. Unwittingly, he was contributing to a very specific Seattle problem. Rios-Strong, from Scottsdale, Ariz. She watched in awe as dressed-up men and women stood in opposing corners with their arms folded, not talking to each other. You get on, and you shoot out all of these messages, right? And then you just wait for them to trickle back. She came from another tech hotbed, Atlanta, where people talked to her in line at the grocery store. But last summer on vacation, in her hostel in Barcelona, she had a revelation. For many, incidents of catfishing and ghosting — a person pretending to be someone he or she is not, and a person disappearing without notice — are legion. She lived in Kansas and claimed to be researching a book. Norkowski has mentally handicapped siblings.
