I suppose that this blog post — written after some martinis at 2am — is my way of gaining some closure in true blogger style to ensure that I end things finally — for once, and for all. Because this part of my life in India has been going on for so very long and it brings me more drama and more trouble than it does fun and enjoyment at the end of the day. But secretively and hidden from public knowledge. We keep everything hidden because we have no future, something he told me from the beginning … while still telling me that he loved me and that I was special because he never knew that a woman could be like me. But I never fully understood it. Not race nor colour, not religion or age. I mean, come on! But I want out now. Not because I feel like a victim or that I was taken advantage of or any nonsense like that — I was happily with him because I wanted to be with him. The other areas of my life are finally going GREAT. I have a new career path that is now brightly shining below my feet. My little angel — my darling 17 year old daughter — was accepted to every university she applied to and will sadly leave soon to start her new academic life in Europe. I have a Life Plan for the first time EVER that includes moving to Sydney in 18 months, where my new business partners are located. And I would have happily stayed secretly with him until I moved to Sydney, except that it has been more months than I wish to count since he has done anything special for me or put in ANY kind of effort. Basically, everything in my life right now — even the mere idea of the three year plan — gives me positive energy and makes me feel happy and proud. It rather makes me feel like shit, to be honest. And I try to do my part to fight inequality and injustice. But none of that is good enough in this instance. Society in India has white women labeled rather harshly and it is a rare family who invites us in. I am going to do what a rational Indian would do and walk away from a situation that would bring shame on MY family if I continued. I think u should ask him to be a man , have the balls to stand up to u … enjoying till it lasts would be more hurtful than ever.. I not sure if all Indian men r like that …. I beat my self up for falling for the wrong girl but hey life is Bit%h , every day is a learning.. Well, good for you girl! And I know how you feel, really, went through the exact same thing here in India and it does leave one feeling a bit icky….. But head up, chest out, and soldier on. But hey I had my fair share of dating Indian men before I found peace and happiness with my WHITE dutch Husband and do haters not hate me for that, or people not behave obnoxious when I walk with him on Indian streets. And it scares me so much to read the new of Indian women being harassed and raped etc. I know there are chances for my baby girl to look considerably different. And I dont want her to be growing without knowing her Indian side, and I know that at times even your own extended families are not safe especially when your mom married a white guy. My ex husband is Spanish, from Barcelona. She speaks Spanish and Catalan with a completely native accent, and English with an American accent like me. Like what it most likely was, thousands of years ago. You are beautiful, intelligent and very accomplished. And when that time comes we will all hear sweet chimes!! I hope your week is truly kick ass, and someone makes you feel as lovely as you made me feel with that response. But this is certainly some highly offensive perception of respectability, having achieved or done, little or none, of respectable worth. I feel challenged by our pseudomorphosis. The answer possibly lies in the complete destruction of the old culture and its traces. And at the same time I want to preserve it. I want to preserve because I see much that gives the human strength and drive to live, to struggle and prevail, to be a creative life-vigour. I have my own strong feelings against the western mores, however they have nothing to do with what most Indians perceive, wrongly in my humble opinion. To treat people, our fellow humans, in this manner, Angela, I am sorry for whatever hurt you might have received in the course of this. But you are a strong soul and see it in perspective, I reckon! And you know, deep down within, that you are more respected for who you are, than someone who deludes in ideas of respectability while knowing not how to treat a fellow human, especially a Lady, and mostly someone who loves him. Or maybe that family is not a real family in that it could not bring up a kid to become man enough to his love. My Grand Mother taught me that you earn respect, just as you earn love. Angela Carson, you are respected and loved, in senses real. We all know that he is regreting his stupid predjudice more than anybody else. Meanwhile, I cant believe your lovely daughter is 17!!! It seems like yesterday that she came to work and waited for you drawing at the office. I came across the video last week from when we were on the innovation tv show, downloaded it for safekeeping! What a nice coincidence. And yes, we have come a long way…you with your lovely new family and me at least BEING in a relationship, haha. In order to move and look forward you just have to clean the slate. Extremely well written and I hope it brought you some inner peace and closure. So this has to do. Or one thinks love and the other thinks green card. Angela, I have read your blog posts I have to tell you. You are an eternal optimist but your plans never work out. You move to india with plans, that does not work out. You try other company that does not work out. You try magazines, social media etc; that does not work out. During each of those you were super excited about plans and the future. Now you have plans about sydney and a new career plan. All I am saying is be realistic and ask someone who knows you well and the situation to judge its potential; before getting all high and falling flat. If a man makes a stand, there is nothing that can change it. Family drama is always there. You still have a long way to go. I have become fond of you not a lie :P So never underestimate yourself. In this situation you have done absolutely right thing to walk away. And sooner the better. Any relationship is complex! And in situation of urs its ultra complex! Frankly, neither you nor he is wrong. Just imagine — even if you somehow became his better half.. Life would hv been a HELL. I am more or less in same situation. Moved to California from India. And I have to move back to India at some point of time. Recently we have faced huge atrocities from the white skin people thats why there is such negative mindset. Its same as in US — mindset about a Pakistani is of terrorist. His intent was clear from the beginnning and its all BS that it would be embarassing and all that for him. He was not serious about you and you should not have been in a relationship, in which there is no mutual respect. My family is very liberal when it comes to unions that are inter-racial, inter-cultural etc and are very respectful towards other cultures since we are more progressive and are 3rd generation Bombayites or Mumbaikars to be politically correct. I always thought reading your blogs, though i have hardly commented once or twice, that you have a beautiful mind. I have liked many of your writings. I had this impression that on some subject matters your insight was superficial and business driven. Now, this blog surely helps me clear the doubt about you. There could me many aspects questioned here but its time let it go. Good that you are moving on with clear and deeper understanding. Your decision is tough but better. Best of luck for your future life and endeavors. Good luck to your daughter as well. This is just a reply on your blog. I m sure angela does not blog targeting page 3 folks, just to show off. I Would like to know what angela thinks about it. And they are best kept in Friend-zone. I am sad that Angela fell for an Indian guy — but honestly, being an Indian myself and the one who always had choices — good choices I am glad i did not marry an Indian men. Self-introspect my fellow Indian, self-introspect! Ayan, I totally agree. I had no issues with my family either including my age-old grandparents. But I am so scared of walking down my own hometown roads with him, because of the starring Uncles and Aunties — who are probably just waiting and maybe secretly hoping for things to go wrong. Now on our way to Parenthood in couple of months, and we are so excited and also so annoyed by some of our extended family members for the kind of reactions we get — I mean I was always happy for them, why cant they atleast reciprocate to me, even if they dont want to really know my husband. But true what you said. However, we are stil among probably 0. I tried posting something last night, however the site went down and my long msg was lost in some cyber wilderness. Let me try again and see if readers make sense of what I think to be the problem. We no longer have roots, we no longer have traditions, and we no longer have kinship. Instead, we have possessions, we have superstitions and we have tribalism. India is a terribly divided country, and the diversity far from unites, it divides and people mingle in situations where they may have something to gain. Worshippers of utility, we are. While driving or riding on the road, I see an absence of altruism conspicuous. I know of its presence in Europe, until a few years back, that walks shoulder-to-shoulder along side Individualism. The reason for all this is that there have been invasions and invasions and invasions, even within a village, which is the case with most parts of the country, there is no cohesive force at work, giving a f
