While meditating yesterday I had an interesting experience and would like some commentary on it as to what actually happened. I don't have much experience at all with meditation and would like help getting better at it, and help understanding what was actually happening. This is a long post but I just can't sum things up within a few sentences.
I was simply sitting there, focusing on my breathing. Eventually my breathing started to slow down, and it felt less like a controlled, intentional effort, and more like something that was taking place on its own. I could feel the air moving over my throat and it felt the same way wind does when it blows over your skin. That sounds odd to me but I can't figure out how else to describe it. I felt less like the breather and more like an observer of air moving around on its own. So I just kind of sat there and contemplated on that feeling since it was so interesting to me to feel like I wasn't simply dwelling within my body somewhere like I normally feel.
My breathing seemed to slow down even more and at this point I didn't feel in control of it at all, it felt like it was slowing down totally naturally and on its own. As if my breathing patterns were naturally settling and coming to a rest. It got to the point where I couldn't feel any muscles actually moving in my chest, all I felt was a sort of warm feeling somewhere below my chest in my stomach area. At first I actually thought I had stopped breathing all together and that the effects were due to lack of oxygen, and when that worry arose I sought to gain control by intentionally breathing with my chest, which immediately started to bring me out of the experience I was having and "back down to earth" in a sense. After this cycle happened a couple of times where I'd scare myself out of it, I realized that if I was actually losing oxygen I'd be in some sort of pain or discomfort so I concluded that I was still breathing somehow. So when I started to cycle down into that strange state where I felt no sensation of breathing at all I just tried to let go and see what happened. I lost all sensation of breathing, and all sensation of my body altogether. I wish I could know if I was actually breathing because to me it felt like I was as immobile as a rock (but not to imply some sort of rigidity, it was the most relaxed I've ever been). I didn't lose consciousness like I thought you do in meditation, I was still totally aware but it was a very different kind of awareness.
I had my eyes partially open and noticed that I wasn't focusing on any objects or anything "out there". What I saw is hard to explain but it was like everything was just a combination of light, there was no separation in anything I was seeing. I could make out the pattern on the blanket I was sitting on but it ceased to be a blanket and was just a combination of light. It was like looking at a screen where everything is just a combination of pixels. My visual field was what seemed to be an infinite amount of these little "pixels" that looked like little colorful jewels. They little jewels were sort of vibrating and constantly shifting in color, and I realized that this sort of cascade of jewels actually created what I thought to be objects in the real world (my blanket, pictures on the wall, etc.) This was really profound to me, and a day later I still see this. It has changed how I view the world. I don't see things as separate objects anymore.
I feel like there was a lot more but I'm running out of time to write this so I'll stop here. Eventually I just decided to come out of it and just started intentionally breathing again and came out of it. I felt very...peaceful. Needless to say this has sparked more interest in meditation for me, I didn't see this experience coming and would really like to understand what happened and how I can keep doing it.
