On my first day of ninth grade, I met the most popular guy in school. He buzzed by on his vespa and scared me so much that I dropped all my books on the floor. He pulled over and profusely apologized, eventually inviting me to his barbecue that night. Within hours, he became one of my best friends. Or buzz by on a bicycle. In the spirit of new friends and the upcoming school-year, we asked people which method of making friends worked best for them when they were in high school. Take a risk and sit next to a stranger at lunch — the worst that can happen is that they are rude and at least you will save years of being friends with a rude person! And this is going to sound odd, but 'sniff them out. Let them know their choice was solid, and you will be surprised at how far this goes! If you consider yourself the coolest, most stylish, most interesting person to hang out with, chances are others will too. I think most girls grow up with a fear of being too much. Too loud, too large, too extreme. We have this assumption that self-love is arrogant. You can totally admire yourself without being conceited. It allows you to interact with and become friendly with the widest range of people at your high school from all grades and of all ages. For example, I was a big theatre kid. I loved doing the school plays and musicals, however, I knew that I wanted to meet and become friendly with other people outside of the theatre community, so I decided to run for student government and join the cross county team. I wouldn't consider myself a very skilled runner as I only ran a couple times a week for exercise. So, joining the cross country team and having to compete in 5k races was a big challenge and fear. Same with student government as I was putting myself in a new and uncomfortable situation by running for a position in front of my entire school body. You'll just end up in conversations with those who are like you. It doesn't have to be forced, but you have to be willing to smile and say 'Hello! When I started high school, I thought I was 'too cool' and figured everyone would come to me. It wasn't until I made an effort myself that I started making friends, and I'm still friends with them ten years later. One is actually my roommate. We had decided that, in high school, we were going to finally be popular. Everyone would want to be friends with us. We bought tanning oil and makeup and got new 'cool' clothes. Fall rolled around, and we were ready. As it turned out, we failed. But we pursued passions like swimming and choir and theatre. We had sleepovers and ordered pizza and stayed up late into the night talking about our futures and dreams. We went to midnight showings of our favorite movies and dressed up in weird costumes. We never became 'popular. Things that I did because I genuinely enjoyed doing them, not because I thought they would earn the approval of other people. I liked to play music, so by practicing my instruments and finding people to 'jam' with, I felt a real sense of community develop amongst multiple musicians. I realized that if I continued to spend time developing this skill, which I loved, it was something I would have for the rest of my life. I could always pick up a drum or a guitar, wherever I was, and communicate with people that way! In the end I stuck with my one or two buddies with whom I laughed at flatulence jokes. I'm happy I went with my gut feeling. Fourteen years later we're still closer than two farts in a spacesuit. It may feel counterintuitive in a world that demands hyper individualism in almost every area of life, but if you've got that one friend who is always including you in their not-necessarily-your-cup-of-tea plans, but you know you vibe with them on a fundamental level, don't fight it too much! Let go a little, show up, and just go with the flow. I found it easier to make friends being in the driver's seat — literally. Be the designated driver. Now, keep in mind that I absolutely adore driving, and I do believe this is an important requisite if you're hoping to have time in the car equals quality time with your homies, otherwise you're at risk of some very special kinds of road rage. But there's something really enjoyable and gratifying about playing DJ, laughing with your friends through the rear view mirror, and spontaneously caravanning the squad to various destinations. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast.
