Puerto Rico and I are at the bar ordering drinks, when a random girl walks up to us...
Girl who is obviously an idiot for thinking that I'd buy her a drink: "Buy me a drink."
Puerto Rico and I: "Haha, no, fuck off!"
Obvious Idiot: (She leans in and kisses my neck) "Please."
Me: "You can't even properly kiss. I'm not buying you anything."
Obvious idiot: (grabs my shirt and makes-out with me)
Me: "You suck, let me show you how it's done."
I look at Puerto Rico, he knows the deal. We both lean and and kiss her on her neck.
Me: "That's how it's done."
Bitchy blonde who can't stand not being the center of attention comes over and pulls her away.
Drama: "Assanova, this is my friend Skankalicious."
Me: (I flip her off just to test her character. If she's fun, she'll laugh or flip me off right back. If she's a stuck up bitch, she'll take it seriously.)
Skankalicious: "You're a fucking asshole." (she proves that she is the latter.)
Hollywood: "Assanova, just leave her alone. She doesn't know that you're joking." (as if the huge grin on my face didn't indicate that.)